Tips on asking for help

Communication. Such a natural part of life, yet something, many of us struggle with. Throughout my life, many of my conflicts came from bad communication, and right now I am not necessary talking about language barriers, although it certainly feels that way. Feels like we are talking a completely different language, something the other person will never be able to translate or understand.

It’s ok to feel this way. I believe, this is a natural learning process in life, something most of us will deal with one way or another. Something, I believe our parents set foundation to, something we have learned when we were children, a concept/map/strategy that we use in our everyday life and build on it (also in our communication) when we learn something, we add to what we already know. So, what if you have never learned this concept/strategy, what if you don’t have a baseline of how to solve these problems, and there is no foundation, to add these knowledge to? When we are children, we are not afraid to ask what things are and ask or even demand help from adults. Since my child can communicate he asks for help constantly and I am actually really glad he does and I encourage this behavior. This is a way he learns and gets further in life.

Now, I am no expert on the subject, I can only write my experiences and for me it looks like people tend to follow a pattern, something that’s still in the comfort zone, something they have brought from their younger selves, something that worked before. It’s no different when we come to communication. We like to think we are good at it, but actually the success of it is not just upon us but also the partner we communicate with. I recently came across a situation where a person was “shouting” for help and the communication partner simply stepped out of the situation. Now this feels bad and really ugly, especially when the person is close to us and they still don’t hear your suffering. Of course this can go both ways, maybe the person you tried to talk to, was an asshole and thinks about no one, but themselves, but maybe it was you, who wasn’t clear about needing help.

And this is the hard part, I think most people are afraid to ask for help, most people don’t even admit it to themselves, that they need help, or feel like it would show weakness. It is also very hard to ask for help, when you don’t exactly know yourself what you need, or want. If you are insecure and unorganized about your own needs, it is really hard to explain it to others what you want to happen.

Collect your thoughts, try to figure out what kind of situation you are in, clear your head and brainstorm what you can do for yourself or what others would do in your case. Maybe write down, if you are the type of person who learns from notes. Decide what you want and find the right person around you, someone you know will listen, someone you can trust. Try to break your usual pattern of communication and be clear. Use a different than usual strategy to tell about your problem and clearly state what you need help with.

It is ok to ask for help, it is ok not to break under pressure. You are still worthy! You are still the same strong person, maybe stronger, because I do believe you need courage, to admit that you need someones assistance. Be confident, honest and trust yourself. We surround ourselves with people we love, so it is actually not unusual that these people will be more than glad to do anything for you that lifts you up. As a parent, one of my aims are to encourage my children to keep asking questions and keep asking for help if they need it. This is a key to many locked doors in life. Give yourself credit and possibility to open these doors.

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